At first glance, you may feel absolutely resistant when you look at this step. How can I let someone find out about me? You may feel fear, dread, anticipation of rejection and humiliation if anyone knows of your past or “secrets”. Perhaps you may feel knots and tangles in your body with no vision or understanding as to how to “untangle” those knots. “Fearlessly” writing an inventory takes enough energy, and trips your trigger wires badly enough – now you have to actually share this with someone. When I got ready to share my inventory with my beloved therapist, I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that this process became the validation I had always longed for.
Most survivors, unless they are in a crisis, do not put much thought into what happened; the people, places, things, and reactions to events that have long-shaped their life. But if you have not yet taken a look at what traumata shaped your personality, behaviors, fears, and ways of responding in life, Step Four is a good opportunity to stop and think about it. Perhaps you have reached the day when you realize that you are not living your life as you really want to. Perhaps you feel a deep inner longing for healthy, secure attachment, love and a more kind relationship with yourself. You may experience a longing for life as you were told it was supposed to be but you have no evidence that you are living such a life.